A savage wind whips through my hair, tangling the heavy damp tresses around my neck, my eyes strain against the numbing rain driving into my face. I shake uncontrollably from the intense cold and fear. I know you're there, I can feel your presence, I stare out into the inky blackness, trying to glimpse a movement, a clue as to your position. I can't see you, which means you cant see me. But I can feel you; I know you're there.
My back presses against the crumbling wall, I don't feel the pain I should when my nails pierce the skin. I don't feel anything. My heart pounds in my chest, a siren, alarmingly loud. Will you hear me? I know you're waiting, waiting for me to make a move, to shout out, to break down and cry, but I cant, I wont. Why are you doing this? What did I do wrong? A thousand questions tumble feverishly around my mind. We had been so happy, if I did something wrong you should have told me, we could have corrected it. We never argued, you had seemed content, I know I was, you were my life, you were all that mattered, could we start again? I can forgive.
I can hear you now, you're coming closer, your footsteps I hear on the slight gravel. I should move, I should run from you but I cant, my body wont obey my commands. Why are you doing this?
You know where I am, I can feel you only a short distance away coming closer, closer. I want to cry out, beg, ask. I want answers, will you give them? I know what you're going to do. Do I deserve it? Did I do something that bad? I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't know I had. You seemed so happy, we seemed happy. We were to spend forever together, you told me that many a time, whispered it in my ear, and wrote it in letters, what went wrong?
My thoughts jump back to the blissful afternoon we spent alone together in the forest, it had been perfect, you held me, your arms wrapped lovingly around my waist as we looked at the scene around us, the lush green foliage, birds flitting from one tree to another, the hot sun peering through the shade giving branches, we had just stood, saying not a word, no words were needed.
My mind snaps back to reality as I hear you step closer, a slight whimper escapes my throat and I press myself firmly to the wall, jutting rock obtrudes into my back, you're beside me now, I can see your faint outline in the velvet night, I know what you're going to do, I don't know why and I never will. The tears I held back begin to slide silently down my face merging with the rain.
I wince as your hand touches my face, lightly trailing where my tears fall. Are you mocking me? Did what we shared mean nothing to you? I still love you, I shouldn't, but I do. Did you ever love me?
I want to break down in your arms; I want you to comfort me, to tell me everything's alright, that you'll forgive me, I wish to wake, to find its all a nightmare.
I can hear your breathing, heavy and strained. Your breathing was a comfort to me, the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you slept peacefully, now it's a menace, the haunting warning of the beast. Is that really what you were all along? A savage beast, and I'm your prey.
Your hand drops back to your side, I know what you're going to do, will you speak? Or just do it? End my life. I can feel the weapon pressed against me, I should fight, give myself a chance or survival, but I don't, without you I would have no life worth living, you press against me, dampening my chance of escape.
You caress my face gently, maybe you've changed your mind, do you love me? Will you forgive? Should I ask? Beg? Is that what you want? I'm willing to do whatever you want, just ask, tell and I will. I'll do anything, anything to stop this, to make you forgive. A thousand questions I want to ask and not one will form in my mouth. I clench my eyes shut as you end the touch, both comforting and hurtful. Why? That simple question I want to ask, I need to know, I strain my throat, which burns, I fumble for words but none will leave my thoughts, there they will stay, for eternity on my lips.
I don't feel a thing as you press the blade into my body, just your whispered words "sorry" as I slip into my everlasting sleep.