Orange Juice-Janeway
By T'eyla Minh.

I'm so bored… what am I going to do, I've still got 2 hours left 'til I get up.  Hmm, I could… no, I can't do that…  Although, why not?  It's not like he's going to mind…What the hell.  Here goes.
J:  Janeway to Chakotay.
He's probably just as awake as I am.
C:(VO) What? Why? … Kathryn?
Or not... Oh well.  Better check anyway.  If he wants to sleep I'll forget it.  But what if he WAS awake… okay, better say something…
J: Yes…did I wake you?
That's good.  That's calm…
C: No
OK, why is he yawning?  Better not let on I heard that.
J: Good
He yawned again, I woke him up…
C: Is something wrong?
What do I say?  That I'm bored?  He'll think that's stupid…
J: No…I can't sleep
Well it's true…
C: Oh…Well do you want to come round?
Okaaay, that wasn't what I was expecting…
J: To your quarters?
Great, fantastic, now what's he going to think!?
C: Yes, we can…
He stopped!  What?  That's not good…
…Chat
Right, good, chatting, that's good, that's fine, that I can cope with…I can do chatting…anywhere but his quarters!  Well it's got to be better than here…
J: I'm in bed
WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?!
C: Well get out (he laughs)
Okay, he laughed, that means he's comfortable.  This is fine, it's JUST a chat.  We're both bored, that's all, it's no worse than being in the Mess Hall.
J: Fine, I'll see you in 3 minutes Janeway out.
OK, OK, OK, this is bad…it's not going to be ANYTHING like being in the Mess Hall!  I mean, there'll be no Neelix!  No food…  It's 0500 hours!  No-one else is around!  But that's good, no-one will know… know WHAT!?  Nothing's going to happen!  It's just a chat!
Right, I ought to move, he'll think I'm not going.  Why am I going?  I'm bored, that's why, yes, bored.  Bored, just bored.  No other reason.  At all.  Bored.  OK, I'm getting up, I'm getting up. I'm not getting up.  Why not!  Come on, get up, get out of bed!  Just get up!
Right, good, I'm out of bed, now what… see how I look?  Why, he's seen me with plasma burns, he won't care.  I'll just run a brush through my hair, that'll do fine.OK, I'm leaving, I'm leaving… leaving now, heading to the door.
*She finally gets out*
Good, I'm in the corridor… which way is it?  WHICH WA- oh for crying out loud!  I know the way!  What the hell is wrong with me!  It's left… or right… oh, for goodness sake!  It's LEFT!  It's always been left!  Right, start walking, that's it… left, right, left, right… no, not march, walk… RELAX!  OK, walking.  See, I CAN walk.  It's simple.  *Another crewmember walks past and looks at her curiously.  She nods at them*  Well, that was painless…that was a little TOO painless…  *She stops and then realises something*  I FORGOT TO GET CHANGED!  NOW what?  *She looks in both directions*  Well I'm halfway… I can easily run back and get dressed… but then I'll be late…OK, OK, this isn't good.  What is he going to think?  Well if he's got any sense, nothing… Well not nothing, if he thought nothing, I'd be insulted… what am I saying?  I don't want him to notice me!  Well I do, but… not in that way…I'm just going over for a chat, attire doesn't matter!  I'm definitely going to be late if I go back now… I'll just have to stay calm… *she takes a deep breath*.  OK, here I go…walking… how do I walk again?  This is ridiculous!  Ah, there we go…
*She reaches the door*  OK, I'm here, now what?  Buzz.  Just buzz the door.   Just lift your hand and press the buzzer…that's good… *she buzzes*

Now, use this time just to calm down… breathe in and out… that's it… remember to breathe, it helps.  Breathe… breathe... OK, breathing sorted, I've sorted walking enough to get me from A to B… anything else I need to remember?  Nope, I think that's everything covered.  Where is he?  Maybe he fell asleep again?  (She buzzes again)  OK, now WHY did I do that?  He's asleep!  I took too long and he fell asleep… well he's probably awake now.  Better give it a few more minutes… oh God, the door's opening… OK, breathe… that's it.  You've got it all sussed…
(The door opens)
Damn, hell, damn… he's in his pyjamas!  He could have had the common decency to get dressed!  Oh… well I'm one to talk!  This is a fine mess…OK, he's not freaking out, that's good.  But he's not saying anything… I should say something… oh wait, I forgot to sort out talking!  How do I talk!?  This is NOT funny any more!  What's wrong with me?  Right, he looks like he's about to fall asleep, I'd better say something.  However it is that I do that… Get a grip!  Open your mouth and say something!
J: Chakotay?
OK, good, I managed to talk…  it wasn't coherent but it's better than nothing.
C: Yes?
I don't know!  You expect me to know?!  I was just trying to remember how to get my vocal cords working!  Right, come on, focus… He looks ill.
J: Are you OK?
That was… good.  That was calm, collected…
C: Um…Come in.
(he gestures)
Right, legs and feet… that's what I need…
(and she walks in)
He really looks ill.
J: Chakotay what's wrong?
That shows I'm concerned.  That's professional.  Yeah, professional.  Remain professional.  That way nothing can happen… not that I thought anything would…OK, I guess I ought to move somewhere… where?  The desk?  Too professional!  The couch?  Is that a good idea?  Well it's either that or… the bed… OK, don't even go there.  It'll have to be the couch… but even that's a little… informal… it's not like in the Ready Room…OK, what's he doing…he's taking my hand?!  Oh no!  Anything but that!  Does he know that… no, he can't know… it's not that obvious… He's dragging me?  Oh, great, this just gets better and better…
(He takes her hand and pulls her over to the couch)
Looks like it's going to be the couch. 

(he sits her down on the couch, stands in front of her and doesn't budge)
He's not moving… he must know… I've scared him!  But he doesn't look scared.  Maybe he's just thinking… maybe I should move over… there's not really much room for him to sit…  well there IS but it'd be a tight squeeze…
C: Um…stupid drink?
OK, I cannot have heard that right… what the hell is wrong with me?!  I'd better check.
J: what?
C: I mean-would you like a drink?
I knew that was what he had to have said.  He looks so ILL… maybe I should go…
J: Yes please, chakotay what's wrong?
Am I overdoing it with the concern?  Well I AM concerned...
C: I'm just a little tired.
I should definitely go…
J: I'm sorry I woke you.
C: You didn't
I don't believe that for a second… well at least it's heading towards a conversation, it's better than silence.
C: Drink, what would you like to drink?
Drink?  He's asking me if I want a drink?  Oh, yes, he already asked, I didn't answer… well THAT was clever.  OK, OK, a drink?  A… drink?  What's a drink? A beverage… liquid nourishment… right, yes, that's the one… what do I want?  Coffee?  No, that's so unoriginal!  The last thing I need is caffeine…orange juice, that's good, that's healthy, lots of vitamins…  orange juice…
J: Um…Orange Juice?
OK, I managed to string two words together…
C: Orange juice it is.
(he walks over to the replicator)
OK, at least I'm speaking English… I'm not talking in Klingonese or anything…OK, he's going to get the drinks, that's good.  I don't even WANT orange juice, I want coffee, I want black coffee!  I NEED COFFEE!  No, I have more self-control than that… I don't need coffee, coffee is not life-giving.  Juice is healthier anyway.  OK, he's at the replicator… why can't I stop staring at… this REALLY isn't good!  Stop staring!  He'll see you!  So what?  OK, not a good way to think!  I'm the Captain!  Protocol… but it's so… NO!  Look away!  Think about that orange juice!
(to replicator)
Two orange Juices (two orange juices materialise, he momentarily closes his eyes before taking the orange juices and turning back to face her)
OK, thank God, he turned around, DEFINITELY stop staring…  I should say something… I'm just sitting here in silence… he's still standing there!  And I should stop STARING!  If it's not one thing it's another… Q was right about that tattoo…No, I'm not going there… I need to… say something… something COHERENT…

J: Chakotay?
Well, that's useful, he KNOWS his name…
C: Um Yes?
Now what?  I'm thirsty… I'll use that…
J: Am I going to get that Orange Juice?
Great, now I sound pushy!  And I should really move over… he's got nowhere to sit…I should really really move over…
(He gives her the drink)
J: Thank you.
Oh at LAST!  A sentence that makes sense!  There's hope for me yet…
(He sits down next to her)
OK, I should have moved over and now it's too late… this is very cramped… I should move… but then he'll be insulted.  OK, I'll just have to stay… God, I hope he gets up so I can move…if we were in uniform this wouldn't be half as bad.  I feel very vulnerable…not that I don't trust him…  I do trust him, with my life…it's just… a very compromising situation!  Why?  We're just having a chat, that's all… some chat…what's wrong with me!  We've done night shifts at this time in the morning, we chat then, it's nothing unusual.  Just because it's a different surrounding… okay, chatting, chatting would work, that's why I'm here…

(he looks at her and smiles)
He smiled at me?!  He smiled at me!  Oh, hell, that's all I need.  I would have been fine if he hadn't smiled at me…OK, ooookaaaaay, I have self-control, I'm not going to start giggling like an Ensign.  I don't giggle, anyway… usually… but I feel one trying to get out… no, don't giggle!  It'll look ridiculous!  What can I do to get rid of it!  I'm going to giggle!  Ah, the orange juice!  Of course!  (She drinks some) Right, that's better, it's cool and refreshing, I'm in control… I can look at him…  I ought to smile back… yes, smile, you're his friend, smile at him…
And I'm still smiling… stop smiling…it looks idiotic… STOP SMILING!  OK, I've lost the ability to control my muscles…if the Doctor could see me now, I'd be in for it, there'd be a hypospray at my neck in no time…maybe I should call the Doctor… Chakotay still looks ill… no, I can't do that!  All I need to do is to stop smiling…it's no big deal…
(he looks away)
OK, wonderful, he thinks I'm insane… nice going.

(he looks down at his orange juice)
He doesn't even like orange juice!  How could I forget that!?  I'm so inconsiderate, that's what he thinks, I'm inconsiderate… I should have known he'd get the same thing!  Oh, damn, this is awkward… what the heck is wrong with me!  But… that's one hell of a profile… okay, bad thought region, get out of there…
C: Is your orange juice OK?
Orange juice?  Oh, right…the drink I just had…
J: Yes…thankyou
Truth, stick to truth… that's good…
C: …Good
He really hates orange juice!  Damn, why did I ask for that?!  Well I'd better drink mine anyway… (she drinks some more) No, wait, now he'll feel obliged to drink his!  Damn!  I'm a mess!  I just need to pull myself together…
C: Do you…want another drink? Do you want mine?
Oh God… I haven't even finished mine and he hasn't started… do I accept it?  That would be courteous, but that's just rubbing it in…  oh dear… I'll just say no… stick to truth, I don't want his drink… truth… TRUTH…
J: No…thank you, you drink it
He won't drink it!  He hates it!  Why did I say that?!  I should have said "You keep it" , not "You drink it"!  Now he's going to feel obliged to drink it… I'd better say something else… the CHAT, I keep forgetting we're supposed to be having a chat!  What's a good subject…a neutral one, just a simple, friendly subject…
J: Did you ever have a dog?
A dog!  A DOG!  Well, it's safe, I suppose… nothing can go wrong with that topic.
C: Um…Yes.
J: Me too.
He knows I have a dog!  The entire SHIP knows I have a dog!  Well, still it's safe, and it's truth…
C: I know.
I know you know!  I told you!  I've got a picture of the damn dog on my desk.
J: Yes…I love dogs…they're my favourite animals.
OK now I sound pathetic… dogs… hell, why did I ask if he has a dog… although I didn't know he had one, so that's a useful piece of information…useful for what?  Other awkward conversations… I'll just start the next Bridge meeting with "How's the dog, Commander?"…damn…
C: Yes I know
Of course you know!  I just keep repeating stuff you already know!  You know all about me and I know nothing about you…
J: My dog was called Molly.
Stop it!  He knows!
C: I know.
See?
J…Yes…I hope Mark is looking after her…and the puppies
WHAT?  Why the hell did I say that?!  I haven't thought about Mark in months, the only time I do is when I think about… no, I don't… not in that way!!  Just because I keep thinking of Mark doesn't mean I'm still trying to forget about him… I'm not even making sense any more!  Mark is out of my life… I need to move on… but am I ready to move on?  It's been 7 years, it's long enough…  What the hell was I talking about?
C: Dogs…
Hmm, he can read my mind… yes, it was dogs…or was it?
J: What?
C: I love dogs
OK, it was about dogs… are we STILL on dogs?
J: I love dogs too.
Yeah, and that's not the only thing… OK, bad thoughts region…well it's a good thought, but… no BAD thought… very bad thought… but why is it a bad thought?  It's a good thought, it's a fantastic thought!  No, I'm not supposed to think that… no… but I like that thought… I WANT that thought…maybe I should just accept it…protocol be damned!  I'm a human being, I can't help it if I've fallen in- no, I haven't, I just think I have, it's just this situation making me think strange…but it's not even a strange situation, I'm just interpreting it all wrong… I'm projecting!
Why did I decide to talk to him, I could have easily lain in bed for another two hours… bed… don't even THINK about bed…that's a VERY bad thought region…  I'm not supposed to be thinking like this…maybe I SHOULD just admit it… yes…if I can admit it to myself then I can forget about it and get out of here…I just need to get it out of the back of my mind…  OK… I can do this…I can…
I love him… there, there it is.  That wasn't so hard… OK, that was no good, now I want to tell him!  I definitely can't do that… that would just be the end of the friendship… I don't want to lose him… there's no way he'd feel the same…oh, but I'm sure he does… no, he wouldn't!  He doesn't, he can't!  I… I… oh hell, why did I do this?  I'm ruining everything!  I'm ruining a great seven year friendship over a few insane feelings… a few insane unreciprocated feelings,  I might add…it's just not worth it…
But what if it IS worth it… I wish he'd open up to me occasionally… I have no idea what he's thinking!  I've never been able to tell, it's terrible!  I'm the Captain, I should be able to sense things like that… yes… the Captain, that's who I am, and I'm not supposed to think like this…  I just need to look at him and I'll know…
OK, not much help, he looks deep in thought, as usual… damn, damn, damn, what do I do?  This is such a mess, I should just go, right now… but I can't move, if I do he'll think I don't want to be here…and besides I really want to stay here… right here…
It MUST be time for our shift soon, then we can just forget this ever happened!  I can't even check the time with the computer, he'll think I'm bored…well I AM bored, but I don't want to leave… I can't leave!  I have to tell him… he'd want to know, I know he would… wouldn't anyone!?  Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I have to tell him… seven years of built-up trust… I can tell him, easily, we've had in-depth relationship talks before… about each other's relationships, not ours… but I love him…I do, I know I do… how am I supposed to tell him… OK, I HAVE to tell him, it's going to kill me, it'll eat me alive if I don't.. right, I'll tell him… no, wait, he's going to say something…damn, I missed my chance… this is it…
(he puts the orange juice down)
C: Kathryn?
Kathryn?  Something's serious here…
J: Yes?
Come on, Chakotay… whatever it is, just tell me…
C: I love you
OK… now that was interesting…how am I supposed to answer that… I could always TELL HIM!
J: What?
Damn!  What's wrong with me!  He just admitted it!  And I say "What?"
C: I love you
OK, that's twice and I haven't even said it once… I had no idea… well I had an inkling… but… wow… this is pretty amazing… what am I supposed to do now, kiss him?
(he leans forward and kisses her lightly on the lips)
No need, he's already decided… and… this is… nice…very nice in fact… No, don't pull away! What am I doing?!

(he looks into her eyes)
I can't even read him… is he serious?  Is he just telling me what he thinks I want to hear?  He can read me like a book, he's always been able to…  I should say something…something USEFUL…

C:
(whispers) I love you Kathryn…
Well that's THREE!  Third time's a charm… I have to tell him now, he's expecting some kind of reaction…
J: Oh…
OH?  I SAY OH!?  What?  That isn't what I was meant to say… I meant to say "Oh, Chakotay, I love you too" but NO, I say "Oh" like I'm about to kill him…well I should kill him, he's put me in a very awkward position here…no, wait a minute, this was my fault…he should be killing me!  Or storming around or… something… but no, he's just sitting there… and looking at me…
(He reaches out and touches her face lightly)
That's it, that's IT, I'm telling him NOW… if I don't I'm going to end up killing myself from the stress…it's only three words, what's the problem?  Anything to get that hand off my cheek!  I'm losing all my self-control, and he knows it too… that's why he did it I'm sure… OK, I'm going to say it… now… now… NOW!

J: I love you too…
Now… there it is… it's done…that wasn't so hard, but he's still two ahead of me… I can't say it again, that time nearly killed me!  Please just let him drop it now…  I should kiss him, I should, I know… but I can't actually… move…anything…come on, body, work!
C: You do?
Damn…  well stick to truth…
J: Yes.
Truth is always good… truth works for me…
(He cups his hand around her face, leans forward and kisses her full on the lips)
Truth works wonders…this is… I can't even… oh…I've resorted to "oh" again…I must be dreaming, this cannot be really happening… but I know it is… I love him… I do… and he knows…
C: You do?
J:
(laughs softly) Yes.
OK, he's just making sure… I've obviously been putting him off without realising…I shouldn't have laughed, though, but I couldn't help it…this is so amazing I can't do anything but laugh…
(Janeway takes his hand in hers and strokes it lightly)
OK, yes, other physical contact, that's a good idea…tell him again, he needs to know…

J: I love you
There, that wasn't so difficult.
C: I love you so much Kathryn.
Is he TRYING to kill me?  I'm going to die from skipped heartbeats…
(He leans forward and rests his forehead against hers)
Yes, he's definitely trying to kill me, it's a ploy to captain the ship!  But who cares, I love him for it…
J: (whispers) I love you
(He kisses her softly on the lips)
Now it feels natural, that's got to be good.  All this because he didn't like orange juice…
J: (looks at the orange juice) You haven't touched your drink
C:
(laughs) I don't like orange juice
J: Oh…
That orange juice recipe is being taken OUT of the computer's database tomorrow…
(Janeway smiles and leans against Chakotay with her arms around him, he puts his arms around her lovingly)
How much time do we have left… I could sit here all day…
(He strokes her hair gently, and kisses her head)
How could I not have noticed… that's it, I'm not moving, ever, I'm staying here… Tuvok can be in charge from now on…
C: (whispers in her ear) I love you.
(She smiles and looks up at him; he kisses her gently on the lips)
Now I've lost count… that must be at least the fifth time… or is it the sixth?  I don't really care… I can't imagine how long he's been waiting just to say that… months?  Years?  Since we met?  Must be a long time… and we've both got another forty years to prove it…

F.I.N